Archive for January, 2011

Communication Skills 101

Wednesday, January 26th, 2011

            Typically, arguments and misunderstandings stem from a lack of effective communication. By developing better communication skills you will begin to see a change in your interpersonal relationships. Below are a few tips to get you started on the road to effective communication.

The first step to being a good communicator is being a better listener. Hear what the other person is saying without responding in a way that suggests otherwise. Don’t talk over the other person; this shows that you are not interested in what they are saying but rather have your own agenda.

After the other person is done speaking, take a moment to think about what they said. You don’t need to respond instantly once their last word is spoken. Stopping to reflect for a few seconds shows that you are processing what they said and taking it seriously. Then, try to reiterate what they said. Start with phrases such as “what I heard you say is….” Or “what I understood was….” This will then allow the other person to correct any misunderstandings in what you heard.

Don’t let distractions interfere with your conversation, especially an emotionally charged conversation. If the phone rings, let it go to voicemail, you can respond later to it. If the television is on, lower the volume or turn it off. This will send the message that you are taking the conversation seriously.

Try to look at it from the other person’s perspective. Think about the importance of the relationship you have with them (your significant other, your parent/child, your co-worker). Keep this in mind when communicating with them. Also, acknowledge and accept responsibility for your role in the situation. This will allow the other person to feel comfortable doing the same.

Always make eye contact. This shows that you are engaged in the conversation. Show you care through nonverbal means, nodding, a hand to the shoulder, etc.

Remember, to keep an open mind to whatever the other person expresses. Patience and understanding go a long way.

If you are having relationship troubles, call the relationship experts at Holtz Psychological Services NOW! Before things get worse, so you can make them better!

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Tips for Coping with Adult ADD/ADHD

Wednesday, January 19th, 2011

Manage Symptoms of Adult ADHD NOW

The daily hassles of life are enough to cause everyone stress. But if you are an adult struggling with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) everything from paying the bills, to grocery shopping, to social demands can feel overwhelming. By taking advantage of the self-help tips listed below you can begin to overcome even the most challenging symptoms and feelings of disorganization.

Get Organized. Create space in your house by throwing away or storing in bins or closets items you don’t need on a daily basis. Have a special space for items that get easily lost, like mail and keys. Use lists and notes to keep track of deadlines, appointments, tasks, etc. A daily planner can help you get and stay organized; avoid electronic organizers such as Blackberry’s unless you use them routinely and with some facility. Avoid forgetfulness by dealing with things NOW! For example, open the mail as it comes in and deal with it right then, file it, throw it away, or act on it.

Be Mindful of Time. Often adults with ADHD perceive time differently than others. Become a clock watcher. Get a wristwatch, computer, alarm clock, or timer; anything with the time on it that you can refer to will help keep you stay aware of the passage of time. Develop a routine for mundane tasks. Process the mail, pay bills, and complete other daily tasks for the same amount of time in the same order every day or on the same day each week; develop routines that you can stick too. A daily routine will help you remember everything that has to be done. Also, give yourself more time than you think you need. Add ten minutes on to every task to ensure you don’t run out of time. Write appointments down for fifteen minutes before the actual time. This will ensure that you’ll never be late.

Prioritize. Individuals with ADHD often struggle with impulse control and will jump from one thing to another. Big tasks often seem over whelming because of all the small steps involved. Before you begin a big task, prioritize what is the most important thing to do first and then list other less important tasks afterwards. This will help you to break down the large task into smaller tasks, so it will seem less over whelming.

Learn to say NO. Because of impulsiveness individuals with ADHD will often agree to take on more tasks, overloading their schedules. This leads to more distractions and feelings of being over whelmed. It often results in unfinished projects or tasks. By saying no, your performance will improve as you will have less to focus on and more time to accomplish tasks. Learn to check your schedule before you commit to additional projects or tasks.

If you or someone in your life thinks they have or has been diagnosed with an attention problem we can help.  Our clinical director has over 15 years experience in the assessment of ADHD and our therapists excel at assisting adults, adolescents, and children in coping with and beating the symptoms of this challenging disorder.  Call us NOW!

Posted in ADHD, Family & Parenting, Marriage, Personal Growth, Self-esteem | No Comments »

Get a Better Night’s Sleep Tonight!

Monday, January 10th, 2011

Do you lie in bed at night frustrated because you can’t fall asleep? Do you wake up throughout the night tossing and turning? Do you feel exhausted the next day? If this sounds like you, read below for tips on how to get a better night of sleep, TONIGHT! Sleep is an essential component of health, with too little or poor quality sleep our immune system does not function properly thus we get more colds and feel run down, our metabolism slows and we gain weight, and we do not perform as well at work as our attention and concentration suffers.

Fix your bedroom so it sets the stage for sleep. Your bedroom is a place for sleep and rest. Remove televisions, computers, blackberry’s, iphone’s etc. and anything else that distracts you from sleep. Cleanliness is also important as it promotes a pleasant environment. Make sure your bedroom is tidy and your linens are clean. Additionally, people tend to sleep better in slightly cool rooms; make sure your bedroom is cool and well ventilated. Also, it’s easier for our brains to prepare for sleep in the dark, so turn off all lights before getting into bed. If congestion is a problem consider a room humidifier.

Keep a regular bedtime routine. Go to sleep and wake up at the same time every day. This will help your brain send signals to your body to unwind at night and wake up more easily the next morning.

Avoid stimulants in the evening hours, such as caffeine and nicotine and limit alcohol or other drugs. Caffeine is a strong stimulant that signals your brain to remain awake; likewise nicotine activates your metabolism thereby keeping your body awake. Try consuming drinks that will aid you to unwind and sleep, such as milk or decaffeinated teas such as valerian or chamomile.

Exercise approximately 4 to 6 hours before bed. Studies show that regular exercise during the day will help you fall asleep at night. However, avoid exercising right before bed as this will signal your body to stay awake by increasing your vital signs and circulating adrenalin.

Reduce your body temperature. People tend to sleep better when their bodies are cool. So, take a hot bath or shower before bed. This will raise your body temperature and help you unwind. Then, get into bed; your body temperature will start to fall, allowing you to fall asleep.

Don’t force yourself to go to sleep. If you don’t fall asleep after 20 minutes of lying in bed, get up. Try going to another room and engaging in a calm activity, like listening to soothing music or reading. Return back to bed when you feel sleepy.

Avoid taking naps during the day. This interferes with your body’s natural sleep-wake cycle. If you rest throughout the day, your body won’t be tired at night.

Lastly, remember that it will take a few days/nights to get your mind and body into a routine. Patience and consistency are essential.  if you or a family member struggles with sleep, this could also be making depression and other mood disorders worse, please call us we are here to help.

Posted in Anxiety, Depression, Family & Parenting, Personal Growth, Relationships, Self-esteem, Uncategorized | No Comments »

Assigning Credit and Blame

Tuesday, January 4th, 2011

                Assigning credit and blame to other’s actions is human nature.  For example, a boy is playing catch with a girl and throws the ball over her head causing her to miss it and causing a smashed a neighbor’s window; who is at fault? Many would say the boy is, as he threw the ball that crashed. However, what about the girl? She watched as the ball went through the window; she failed to act. This is the omission bias at work. Because the girl did not act, she does not get blame. The omission bias creeps into our judgments on a daily bases. It’s easier to notice something that is done rather than something that doesn’t happen. Likewise, it’s easier to assign blame, or credit, for an action someone took, rather than for inaction.

                A big part of assigning credit and blame has to do with intentions. We tend to evaluate others more harshly if we believe their action, or inaction, was intentional. Intentions are important because they are a signal into what someone might do in the future. By assigning credit and blame to bad behavior we teach children that there are consequences for their actions, positive and negative.  Generally speaking, it’s good to keep the omission bias in mind, both for your credit and blame as well as others. Make sure your actions are in line with your intentions , so it can be said that you are acting with “purpose” and when you act and it doesn’t work out as you intended, be sure to point out that at least you acted!

A recent article in Psychology Today posed these scenarios; what would you do?  How would you assign credit and blame?

You are walking on a subway platform when you see a train careening out of control. It is about to hit 5 people, however, you happen to be standing next to a switch that could alter the course of the train where it would hit and kill one person. Do you flip the switch?

You are walking on a subway platform when you see a train careening out of control. It is about to hit 5 people, however, you are standing next to a very fat man who is leaning over the edge to see what is going on. If you push him on the track he will stop the train and save the 5 people, but he will die. Do you push him?

While these moral/ethical questions can have different outcomes, what counts is the intention of the person who is acting.  It can be said that thoughts give rise to intentions, intentions lead to actions, actions, when repetitive form personality.  It can be said that with our thoughts we create the world.  Therefore each and every day think “what is my intention and what are the consequences of that intention when put into behavior.”

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