Archive for the ‘Depression’ Category

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The Gift of Forgiveness

Monday, April 15th, 2013

“Relationships are complicated”. That is a statement that seems to echo among many singles and couples alike and is even recognized as a status option on Facebook. Its clear that relationships take effort to establish and maintain so why do we even bother? Well, it’s simple. We are relational beings that benefit from social interaction and when we open ourselves to others, we become vulnerable to hurt.

Have you ever gotten into an argument and stayed angry much longer than the person who offended you? Then, when you saw him or her appearing happy and free, your blood boiled even more at the thought of how quickly he or she could just move on without an apology or a resolution. The angrier you became at the thought of the offense, the angrier you grew at yourself for not being able to let it go. Sometimes we have difficulty “letting go” of a grudge because we think we’re letting someone off the hook or doing someone a favor by moving on. Instead, we should realize that when we forgive, it is not only for the sake of the offender; forgiveness is also for our benefit.

Why Is Forgiveness Beneficial?

  • When you forgive, you release the hold that resentment and anger have on you.
  • When you forgive, you open yourself to recognize and receive happiness/emotional peace.
  • When you forgive, you regain your ability to live and appreciate what is occurring in the moment rather than living in the past.
  • When you forgive, you allow yourself to build a new future that is not tainted by past hurts and offenses.

Keep in mind, forgiveness does not necessarily mean condoning hurtful behavior. It is, however, a gift (for yourself) that keeps on giving.

Dr. Monique Griffith and Dr. Marisa Hammock

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Your Guide to Spring Cleaning…During Winter

Sunday, January 6th, 2013

Why put off for tomorrow what you can do today? Why wait until the Spring to begin removing the clutter from your life when you can start now? Yes, cleaning may seem like an undesirable chore, but taking the time to periodically clean your emotional space is as important as cleaning your physical space. Here are a few steps:

  • Sharpen your vision. Regrets keep you bound to your past while vision propels you into your future. Therefore, develop a vision for yourself/your life and set goals.
  • Prioritize. Figure out what emotional habits you continue to engage in that instead of drawing you closer to realizing your vision, pull you further away. Then, before diving head first into cleaning the nooks and crannies of your emotional space, place the habits in order of significance.
  • Finish what you start. Tackle one ‘emotional project’ at a time.
  • Keep Dirt Out. Anyone who struggles with keeping their house clean knows that it is wiser to expend energy on keeping ‘dirt’ out instead of cleaning the dirt after it builds up. So, reduce the amount of emotional dirt that enters your mental and emotional space by not entertaining negative opinions and pessimistic thoughts.
  • Don’t settle for a quick fix. Any lasting change that you would like to see takes time to achieve. So, don’t rush! Take your time to ensure you are heading in the direction of your desired destination.
  • Try keeping a journal. Writing can be very therapeutic and cathartic, allowing you to purge negative or painful emotions.  Keep in mind, it is not always the length of each journal entry but the honesty and candidness which can be part of the cleansing process.
  • Learn to Let Go…whether it’s with your own self or a life situation.  One significant aspect to emotional cleansing is the let go and accept the past.  Remember, accepting does not mean agreeing. You can disagree or dislike an event or circumstance but still come to an acceptance of its occurrence.
  • Learn the difference between what is within your control and what is not.  Break things down until you can identify the part of it that is in your control.   Learn to distinguish the difference.
  • Don’t spend time expelling energy on what is not within your control.
  • Learn to forgive. If not for the other person, for yourself. There is a saying by Budda, “Holding on to anger is like a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned.”
  • Organize your physical environment. Whether this is in your home or your work space, physical cleanliness and organization often bring a sense of inner tranquility and comfort. It can reduce anxiety and provide internal peace.
Dr. Marisa and Dr. Monique

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Top 5 Reasons NOT to Make “New Year’s Resolutions”

Monday, December 31st, 2012

As the old year comes to an end and the new year approaches, many take the time to reflect on their lives. Some identify achievements that they have made and continue to set future goals. Others identify aspects of their lives that they would like to change during the upcoming year and make resolutions. To both groups, the new year signifies a new beginning; a time to learn from the past and commit to changing the future. Do we need resolutions to make life changes? No, we don’t and here are 5 reasons why you don’t need to make New Year’s resolutions.

5.  New Year’s resolutions are typically too overwhelming! Many people make resolutions that involve major life changes that need to be accomplished by the end of the year. Then, when faced with the large task, the commitment waivers in the face of stress, anxiety and frustration. So, remember, in order to create lasting change, it is important to set challenging, yet realistic goals that you can incorporate into your daily life without feeling like you’re being deprived or overwhelmed.

4.  Resolutions resemble cookies….What? Okay, let me explain.  You are at a party and you see your favorite oatmeal raisin cookie. You say to yourself, “no, I am going to be ‘good’ and not have any cookies tonight.” A little while later, when the cookie is eying you from the opposite side of the room, you say, “Okay, well I will just have one cookie. That is it.” You do well with that one cookie but somehow as the night is progressing, you are physically and emotionally DRAWN to another oatmeal raisin cookie! At that moment, all caution is thrown to the wind and you gobble six cookies! You tell yourself  you fell off the wagon; you might as well “go all out” tonight and eat as many oatmeal raisin cookies as you can consume.  Most of us have been here a time or two.   One slip up and we abandon all previously stated goals, desires and hopes.  Resolutions tend to put us in this all or nothing mind set and along the way we forget that set backs are normal and natural but somehow, instead, they tend to leave us feeling discouraged, dissatisfied and hopeless and we resort back to our pre-resolution behaviors just like that.  It is always a good idea to allow for, even expect setbacks at times but be mindful not to allow yourself to feel completely defeated or overcome by such setbacks.

3. Resolutions can leave you feeling unsuccessful and hopeless.  About 80-90% of New Year’s resolutions fail.  Those are not great statistics for self-accomplishment.   Focus your energy and mind on something that has a higher success rate and as you accomplish each task, watch as your sense of accomplishment soars!

2. We often set resolutions that are too broad.  Let’s take some of the most common New Year’s resolutions as an example. “Lose weight” and “eat healthier” are among the most common resolutions set each year by millions of people.  Maybe you have even set these once or twice!  The problem arises because these, although great goals, are extremely broad.  Let’s take “eat healthier”; what does that exactly mean? Eat more fruit and veggies? Eat fewer sweets? Cut calories? All of the above?  The most effective way to set goal and maintain steps toward reaching those goals is the identify very achievable, realistic and specific steps to accomplishing whatever it is you desire to change in your life!

1. Each day is a new beginning that offers you the opportunity to reflect on the decisions that were made the previous day. Each day you awake, is a day to be thankful and set daily, realistic goals. As you decide to focus on making each choice more positive or healthy, you’ll realize that over time, your life and habits will change without the pressure of a daunting resolution.

We challenge you NOT to make any New Year’s resolutions and have a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year!

Dr. Monique and Dr. Marisa

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Thinking positively really can help

Monday, January 23rd, 2012

People learn to be more positive from the inside out. We need to train our brain to think positive. Throughout the day, we get many negative comments and images passed through our way. We don’t need to strain ourselves to think of something negative that happened throughout our busy day, however, It takes time and energy to determine the ‘happy things’ that happen each day. My challenge to you is to start writing down these affirmative things that happen to you and create your own personal affirmations.
For treating common mental health illnesses such as Depression and Anxiety, it has been shown that positive thinking can increase one’s response to treatment. People who suffer from Depression are often instructed to recite daily affirmations as part of their treatment. Even in the depths of Depression, vocalizing these positive mantra’s can help shift our mind’s focus over time.
Affirmations help us motivate and encourage ourselves. Whether it’s an inspirational quote, or a reminder of something you did well on your fridge, these are all examples of simple ways to affirm ourselves.
It starts with a list. Make a small list, either typed or handwritten, of things that are going well in your life, things that make you happy. From here you can create your own personal affirmation. Some examples are “I am good at my job”; “I am a beautiful person inside and out”. The only rules to affirmations is that they are positive and in the present tense.
One of the benefits of affirmations is that it tricks the brain into positive thinking. When we send more positive messages to the brain it makes us happier beings. This helps mental clarity and increases positive awareness.
Self affirmations should be done daily in order to effectively recondition the brain into thinking positively. Put it on your fridge, at your desk, or by the bathroom sink. Put them somewhere that you will see them daily and can incorporate them into your daily routine.
Starting out with these positive thoughts in the beginning of your day can help set the pace for that day. Ever wake up feeling gloomy? And the day gets worse from there on out? Start with a positive affirmation the next day and see how that day turns out. It just may be a happier, more positive day.

 

KC Putterman LMHC,HC

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How to make 2012 the best year yet

Saturday, January 7th, 2012

As a society, we all ring in the New Year with big hopes and dreams and by the end of week 1 we quit. Either our resolutions are too hard, or we slip up on a diet, have unrealistic goals, or we just lack motivation. Here are some tips of how to make this year be the BEST year yet.

Step 1:
The most important thing when making a Resolution is to KEEP IT SIMPLE. Think of your everyday life and something you want to change. Not something big, but something that you think you can do better. That’s a good place to start.

Step 2:
So many times we try to change things that are complicated or too hard for us. A simple and REALISTIC goal is what will help you succeed in your resolution. Do you want to lose weight? Well maybe 50 lbs isn’t realistic… but maybe 10 is. So carve out a simple and realistic goal and then set out to make an action plan. This will help you plan and organize how you can achieve this goal. (And once you have achieved this goal, you can move onto the next 10 pounds and so on…)

Step 3:
Taking small steps will help keep your motivation for the long haul. A major life change may seem daunting if it’s all at once. But if you give yourself small tasks that lead up to the major goal this will help it become more attainable. Giving weekly or even daily goals can help break down a large resolution so it is more palatable. Along with small steps is to track them. If we can see our progress throughout the year then we are more likely to keep going. Form a spreadsheet or even a blank piece of paper on your desk where you can reference your progress daily or weekly (depending on the goal).

Step 4:
Positive thinking is a MUST. You need to be your own motivator, so it’s important to cut yourself some slack. So you yelled at your spouse when you vowed to control your temper? So you ate that cookie you swore you wouldn’t touch? You can still attain your resolution. There are 364 more days of the year and every day counts. Give yourself positive reinforcement. Utilize positive affirmations in the mirror and say to yourself “I will do this” or “I believe in myself” every day to keep your motivation and encouragement. Research has shown that positive affirmations can help send your brain positive messages that will in turn create a positive mood.

Step 5:
Ask family and friends to join in. This is the reason why group counseling and Alcoholics Anonymous works so well. When we have others to answer to it helps make us accountable. Accountability helps us succeed. It also makes whatever we are working towards more fun. When we have a friend or family member participating in the activity it can boost our motivation and enjoyment. It can also help bring couples and families together. Quality time doing activities that better ourselves can help improve our personal and romantic relationships. The more satisfied we are with ourselves the more satisfied we will be with our relationships as well.

Step 6:
And the most important of all: Reward yourself. When you are working hard at achieving your goals it’s important to give yourself a pat on the back. You’ve been calm all week? Have that extra cookie! You did all your workouts? Sleep in one morning! You haven’t drank alcohol in a month? Do something fun! All work and no play make no one happy. The reason we have New Year’s Resolutions is to better ourselves. If we aren’t happier than we aren’t really better.

Following these simple steps will help create the change you want to make in your life. Let 2012 be the year that you make it happen. Improve those failing relationships, overcome a fear, lose the weight, and try something new! Let yourself shine in the New Year so you can be the person you want to be.

KC Putterman LMHC, HC

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Helping people to “Flourish”

Wednesday, August 10th, 2011

Groundbreaking new research from Martin Seligman, PhD suggests that we can help our clients, communities, loved ones, and society at large to flourish not merely alleviate suffering.  Positive psychological models focus upon helping human beings to not merely overcome adversity and lessen suffering but to truly thrive and live fuller, more meanigful lives.  The pillars of this model are positive emotion, life/community engagement, development of relationships/relatedness, development of meaning, and  accomplishment (personally defined) can become the “new” focus in our work with clients.  Application of such a model within therapy can help not only to alleviate suffering but more importantly help our clients thrive!

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Grief, Loss, and Support

Sunday, June 19th, 2011

Supporting someone that is suffering from grief or the loss of a loved one can be very confusing and tough.  You may be afraid of intruding, saying the wrong thing, or making the person feel even worse. Or maybe you feel there’s little you can do to make things better. Don’t let discomfort prevent you from reaching out to someone who is grieving.  Here are some tips to help you provide the best support that you can:

 What to do:

  • Acknowledge the situation: “I heard that your_____ died.” Use the word “died” That will show that you are more open to talk about how the person really feels.
  • Express your concern: “I’m sorry to hear that this happened to you.”
  • Ask how he or she feels, and don’t assume you know how the bereaved person feels on any given day.
  • I know how you feel.” One can never know how another may feel. You could, instead, ask your friend to tell you how he or she feels.
  • “He’s in a better place now.” The bereaved may or may not believe this. Keep your beliefs to yourself unless asked.
  • Be genuine in your communication and don’t hide your feelings: “I’m not sure what to say, but I want you to know I care.”
  • Offer your support:  ”Tell me what I can do for you.”

 What NOT to do:

  • Don’t force someone to publicly mourn if he or she doesn’t want to.
  • Don’t give false or confusing messages, like “Grandma is sleeping now.”
  • Don’t tell someone to stop crying because others might get upset.
  • Don’t try to shield a child from the loss. Children pick up on much more than adults realize. Including them in the grieving process will help them adapt and heal.
  • Don’t stifle your tears; By crying in front of others, you send the message that it’s okay for him or her to express feelings, too.
  • Don’t turn your child into your personal confidante.  Rely on another adult or a support group instead.

If a grieving friend or family member talks about suicide, get professional help right away. IN A LIFE-THREATENING EMERGENCY, CALL 911.

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Facebook Depression

Sunday, June 12th, 2011

 

“Another potential risk of social media has been dubbed ‘Facebook depression.’ When preteens and teens spend too much time on social media sites, they may begin to show classic signs of depression, such as changing sleep and eating habits, experiencing mood swings, hanging out with different friends or becoming socially isolated” says Dr. Gween of Pediatrics Now

 It is no surprise to anyone that children and teens are spending more time than ever before on the internet using social media such as Facebook, Twitter, and Chatroulette.  But just what are these outlets doing to the mental heath of our children?  In the past year, there has been several cases in which teenagers have taken their own lives due to bullying and responses by members of these social networking websites. 

What is “Facebook Depression”?

Facebook allows users to showcase their lives, from achievements to travel photos to parties. The depression creeps in when teenagers start comparing themselves to their friends.  Why can’t my family go on a vacation like his? Why is my boyfriend in pictures with other girls? How come she got a new car for her Sweet Sixteen? Experts have agreed that social media sites exacerbate envy and jealousy due to the pressures of the “my life is an open book” appeal of social networking.

What can parents do?

Parents should be actively involved in their teen’s social life, both offline and online. Encourage your teen to get off the Internet once in awhile and do activities outside the house to avoid the temptation of returning to the computer.  Get them to join clubs or encourage them to get into a sport or learn to play a musical instrument. It is important that your teen understand that there should be a balance in his or her life. It is important that parents keep an open line of communication with their teens, just as their teens enjoy a sense of openness with their friends.

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